想對這個世界說的話：我們求的，就是希望過得不錯 What I Want to Say to the World: All We Ask Is to Live Well

(English version is in the bottom.)

曾經有人說，永遠不要放棄希望。

我永遠都會記得一位跨性別者曾經跟我講的話：「謝謝妳在我自殺的那天，在我被警察與消防隊救起來以後，衝到我家來看我，後來讓我一直支持著自己」，現在的她，過得很不錯。

我懷抱著希望，為我自己與我所屬的跨性別族群奮鬥、爭取權益和付出，因為我相信我們的未來會慢慢變好。

我們求的，就是希望過得不錯。

有人曾經跟我提醒過：「如果妳都一直在照顧別人，那誰要照顧妳？」也許，照顧社群就是我這醫生的任務之一。因為我不希望有任何一個人因為沒有被照顧到，而離開這個世界。

當我發現我要好好的照顧自己時，我發現我把這個世界想得太美好了：在尋找專業技術工作時，我的社會工作經驗成為了阻礙之一，因為在台灣這個勞工意識不普遍的地方，一位社會運動者對於一間公司就是麻煩人物。因為這樣，基本上沒有公司願意錄用我。

但還是要生活，在尋找普通工作時，我的體力已經不如年輕人。很多工作我也沒辦法勝任，我沒辦法像年輕人一樣的快，一樣的好。我不知道我還能怎麼做。

不是說世界會在我們的努力下變好嗎？

在政治的影響下，整個世界正在移除跨性別者的存在，逐漸在刪除許多屬於我們的故事與歷史。

在台灣，我們還是看不到在政策上的曙光，11年前的努力成為空談，我曾經的努力終歸一場泡影，現在加上全球影響，我們很多的希望與權益恐怕窒礙難行。

社群還是一樣的分裂，有資本的人獨善其身、沒有資本的人在艱難的互相取暖打氣，也有的人選擇與社群中脆弱的夥伴吵架、爭論。難道，在我們要團結之前，我們要先殲滅彼此？

為什麼，在世界中生活得比較自在的人，都是自私的人？不是說我們要為他人著想嗎？
為什麼，為他人著想的人卻會活得如此痛苦？是不是因為看著這些事情不斷發生但是我們已經無能為力？
為什麼，我們都被教育要與人好好相處，但真正得利的人都是那些爭權的人？

這世界是這樣的嗎？

我向宇宙控訴，這個世界正在倒退。
我向宇宙控訴，我們的正義在哪裡？
我向宇宙控訴，我們的機會在哪裡？

但我也道歉，我做得不夠好。

What I Want to Say to the World: All We Ask Is to Live Well

Someone once said, never give up hope.

I hold onto hope, fighting, advocating, and dedicating myself to the transgender community I belong to, because I believe our future will gradually improve.

I will always remember what a transgender woman once said to me: “Thank you for rushing to see me on the day I attempted suicide, after I was rescued by the police and firefighters. You helped me keep going.” She’s doing much better now.

All we ask is to live well.

Someone once reminded me: “If you’re always taking care of others, who will take care of you?” Perhaps caring for the community is one of my missions as a doctor. Because I don’t want anyone to leave this world because they weren’t cared for.

When I realized I needed to take good care of myself, I discovered I had an overly optimistic view of the world: When looking for professional technical work, my social work experience became an obstacle. In Taiwan, where labor rights awareness is not widespread, a social activist is a troublemaker for a company. Because of this, basically no company is willing to hire me.

But I still have to live. When looking for ordinary jobs, my physical strength is no longer as good as that of young people. There are many jobs I can’t handle. I can’t be as fast or as good as young people. I don’t know what else I can do.

Isn’t it said that the world will improve with our efforts?

Under the influence of politics, the whole world is erasing the existence of transgender people, gradually deleting many of our stories and histories.

In Taiwan, we still can’t see any hope in terms of policy. The efforts of 11 years ago have become empty talk. My past efforts have ultimately come to nothing. Now, with the global impact, many of our hopes and rights are likely to be hindered.

The community is still divided. Those with capital are looking after themselves, those without capital are struggling to keep each other warm and encouraged, and some people choose to argue and quarrel with vulnerable partners in the community. Is it that before we unite, we must first destroy each other?

Why are the people who live more comfortably in the world all selfish people? Aren’t we supposed to think of others?

Why do people who think of others live such painful lives? Is it because we watch these things happen constantly, but we are already powerless to do anything?

Why are we all educated to get along well with others, but the people who really benefit are those who fight for power?

Is this the kind of world we live in?

I accuse the universe that this world is regressing.

I accuse the universe, where is our justice?

I accuse the universe, where is our opportunity?

But I also apologize, I haven’t done enough.