身心俱疲的二月，迎來重生的三月 A Month of Exhaustion and Renewal: My February and March Journey
親愛的 Patreon 朋友們，讓大家久等了！我知道這次的報告姍姍來遲，實在是因為這段時間對我來說，就像一場與身心靈的拔河賽。一方面，我必須努力讓自己從一些健康狀況中恢復，另一方面，我更是在焦急地等待一個能讓我重獲新生的好消息。現在，就讓我先為大家整理一下最近生活中的重要動態，再將這個令人振奮的消息，好好地分享給你們：
Dear Patreon Friends,
Thank you for your patience! I know this report is overdue, and it’s because the past two months have been a real rollercoaster for me, physically and emotionally. On one hand, I’ve been recovering from some health issues, and on the other, I’ve been anxiously waiting for some life-changing news. Now, let me catch you up on the significant events in my life, and then I’ll share the exciting news with you.
二月初：初入電商，身心俱疲
Early February: Diving into E-commerce, Battling Exhaustion
2月5號，我正式踏入了電商世界，成為了一名工讀生。這份工作，每週五天，每天晚上四小時，原本以為只是暫時的落腳處，卻沒想到，它帶給我的衝擊，遠遠超乎我的想像。這段經歷，就像是一場始料未及的冒險，且聽我娓娓道來。
2月11日，一直以來都非常關心我、協助我處理心理諮商資源的勵馨基金會（Garden of Hope，台灣最大的婦女救援組織，同時也是在10年前就公開支持跨性別者不應該手術就能更改性別登記的組織）主動與我聯繫，關心我的近況。我向她們坦言，因為沒有了後續的房租補助，我只能先選擇工讀生的工作，但這份工作的勞動強度，對我來說實在是太過沉重。沒想到，她們竟帶來了一線曙光，告訴我內部可能有適合我的職缺！
On February 5th, I officially joined the world of e-commerce as a part-time worker. This job, five days a week, four hours each evening, was supposed to be a temporary solution, but it turned out to be much more impactful than I expected. It was an unexpected adventure, and I’ll tell you all about it.
On February 11th, the Garden of Hope Foundation (Taiwan’s largest women’s rescue organization, and a long-time supporter of transgender rights) reached out to check on me. I shared my struggles with the high physical demands of my current job, especially since I no longer had housing subsidies. They surprised me with news of a potential job opening within the foundation!
2月13日，為了應付工作需要在不同店鋪之間移動的需求，淑女俱樂部（Lady’s club）的夥伴們，如同天使般慷慨地贈送了我一台二手腳踏車，讓我可以更方便地代步。這份溫暖的禮物，真的讓我由衷感激。
2月16日，這天是難得的假日，原本我滿心期待著，白天可以參加古舞團（Ku & Dance）的接觸即興舞蹈工作坊，讓身體在律動中獲得解放，晚上則想去朝聖台灣知名作曲人/歌手林強（Lim Giong）的開源專輯《時間浸漬 Bioerosion》的座談會，讓心靈在音樂中得到滋養。然而，現實卻是如此殘酷，連日高強度的工作，早已將我榨乾，我只能無奈地取消了所有計畫。那天，我唯一的行程，叫做「在家休息」，僅僅是這四個字，就道盡了我的疲憊。
On February 13th, the wonderful people at Lady’s Club gifted me a second-hand bicycle, which was a lifesaver for getting between stores for work. I’m incredibly grateful for their kindness.
February 16th was supposed to be a day of rest, with plans to attend a contact improvisation workshop and a music seminar. However, the exhaustion from work was overwhelming, and I had to cancel everything. That day’s schedule consisted of one activity: “Rest at home.” Those three words summed up my fatigue perfectly.
其實，早在2月中旬，我的身體就已經開始發出抗議的訊號。連日的強力勞動，讓我的關節和肌肉持續疼痛，痛苦指數瀕臨臨界點。然而，當時的我，還看不到任何工作上的轉機，只能在如同地獄般的生活中掙扎求生。我輾轉難眠，體力難以恢復，醒來後更是精疲力竭，身心靈都承受著巨大的煎熬。我開始向身邊所有的朋友求助，希望能抓住任何一根救命稻草。
By mid-February, my body was already protesting. The constant physical labor caused unbearable joint and muscle pain. With no other job prospects in sight, I felt trapped in a living hell. Insomnia and exhaustion became my constant companions. I reached out to friends for any help I could get.
二月中：跨性別演講與募款活動，身心俱疲仍為權益奔走
Mid-February: Transgender Talks and Fundraisers, Advocacy Despite Fatigue
2月17日與18日，我受邀前往知名保養品品牌LUSH的台灣總部，為他們的年度員工大會，帶來兩場跨性別知識的演講。這段期間，發生了一件讓我印象深刻的事情。第一場演講，我準備的內容，對於這間性別友善的企業來說，顯然是太過簡單了。因此，在第二場演講中，我決定提高挑戰的難度。沒想到，LUSH台灣總部的員工，展現出超乎我預期的包容與友善，讓我深深感動。台灣，竟然存在著如此令人讚嘆的企業，這真是一個美麗的意外！
2月23日，因為在一月份與順性別女同志對談之後，我更加覺得應該與女同志活動圈建立更緊密的連結。因此，這天我們與知名女同志夜店Taboo合作，舉辦了一場Urnaus募款活動。透過我們Oyana-Jean Paul的舞蹈創作經驗，活動進行得非常順利，大家都玩得非常開心，我們也成功地為目前服務中的個案Anna，募到了一兩個月的生活費。
On February 17th and 18th, I was invited to Lush Taiwan’s headquarters to give two talks on transgender awareness for their annual staff meeting. The first talk was too basic for this gender-friendly company, so I raised the bar for the second one. I was deeply impressed by their open-mindedness. It’s heartening to know such inclusive companies exist in Taiwan.
On February 23rd, inspired by a previous dialogue with lesbian women, I collaborated with the lesbian bar Taboo to host a fundraiser. With our dance experience, the event was a success, and we raised enough for one or two months of living expenses for Anna, a person we support.
在這場活動中，我還為開幕式，特別製作了一首結合西班牙文、中文、英文的三語開場音樂。當我耗費了十幾個小時的心血結晶，在Taboo的音響中播放出來時，內心的激動與感動，實在難以言喻。更令人開心的是，我從事音樂製作的朋友，給予了這首音樂非常高的評價，他們從未想過，音樂竟然可以這樣製作！ (另外也有重新錄製了當天的DJ set)
I also created a trilingual (Spanish, Chinese, and English) opening song for the event. Hearing my work played at Taboo was incredibly moving. Music producer friends praised the song, saying they’d never heard anything like it. (Also a re-creation version of the DJ set)
然而，此時的我，早已因為連日的高強度工作、活動準備，以及音樂製作，而精疲力竭。23日活動結束後，隔天晚上，我還與「台灣伴侶權益推動聯盟」（TAPCPR）召開了線上會議，因為我們要針對政府遲遲不執行「跨性別者不應受到手術才能更改性別」的政策，共同策劃記者會抗議，並前往監察院陳情。
Despite my exhaustion from work, event planning, and music production, I attended an online meeting with the Taiwan Alliance to Promote Civil Partnership Rights the next night. We’re planning a press conference and petition to protest the government’s inaction on transgender rights.
講到跨性別權益，在這個時間點，全球指標性的美國，幾乎每天都傳來令人沮喪的壞消息。有幾位朋友，因為這些事件，選擇離開美國，也有我認識的NGO，將運作重心轉移到其他國家。對我來說，這個世界，彷彿正在崩塌，我們曾經深信不疑的價值，正在一點一滴地消逝。這些，都深深地影響著我的情緒。
Speaking of transgender rights, the news from the US has been devastating. Friends have left the country, and NGOs are relocating. It feels like the world is collapsing, and the values we believed in are fading away. This has taken a toll on my emotional state.
二月底：身體亮紅燈，藝術創作成精神支柱
Late February: Body Breaking Down, Finding Solace in Art
2月底，我開始強烈地感受到，身體似乎已經到達了極限。我意識到，這份工作帶給我的身體負擔，遠遠超過了我所獲得的金錢報酬。畢竟，身體只有一個，但工讀生的老闆，卻可以隨時更換。然而，在這樣的困境中，我心中卻萌生了一個創作的靈感。我開始記錄下工作中的一切，用筆記、用錄音，將整個工作的過程完整地記錄下來。我想要將這些蒐集到的資料，在未來轉化為藝術創作，透過我的作品，引發大家更深層的思考。
就這樣，我一邊記錄著工作，一邊積極地尋找新的工作機會，一邊在心中默默祈禱，希望自己的身體，還能夠再多撐幾天。
By the end of February, my body was clearly at its limit. I realized the physical strain from work outweighed the financial benefits. After all, I only have one body, but I can find another part-time job. Amidst this hardship, I found inspiration for an art project. I started documenting my work experiences through notes and recordings, planning to turn them into art that encourages reflection.
While documenting my experiences, I continued to search for new job opportunities, hoping my body would hold out.
三月初：迎來轉機，重獲新生
Early March: A Turning Point, A New Beginning
3月初，我收到了勵馨基金會（Garden of Hope）的通知，她們有一個網站與社群媒體工程師的職缺，希望我可以前往面試。我當然毫不猶豫地把握住這個機會。面試的過程，對我來說相對順利，我也深刻地感受到，她們非常重視工作夥伴的專業能力，並且希望能為夥伴們，打造一個安全且舒適的工作環境。面試結束後，我感覺自己應該有很大的機會錄取，但是在正式拿到Offer之前，心中還是難免有些忐忑不安。這時，我的朋友（同時也是內部的聯絡人），持續地給予我信心，她也覺得應該是沒有問題的。
In early March, I received an invitation from the Garden of Hope Foundation for a web and social media engineer interview. The interview went well, and I was impressed by their commitment to their employees. I felt optimistic, but still anxious until I had an official offer. My friend, who was also my contact at the foundation, reassured me.
3月7日，因為我的身心狀況都已經非常糟糕 (我甚至錯過了伴侶盟的記者會)，所以我利用這天休假，趕緊前往精神科診所和復健科診所看醫生。復健科醫生檢查的結果，是我患有非常嚴重的肌腱炎（還有關節積水與嚴重磨損），除了需要積極復健之外，醫生更是強烈建議我，絕對不能再繼續做這份工作了。
當天晚上，就在我前往上班的途中，因為下著大雨，視線非常不好，我的單車，與一位阿姨發生了小小的碰撞。幸好阿姨沒有受傷，但是我卻不小心摔車了，身上留下了一些瘀血，原本就已經很不舒服的身體，現在更是雪上加霜。那天，我硬撐著身體，勉強地完成了手邊有時效性的工作，經理在得知我的狀況後，就讓我先回家休息。
On March 7th,I was in a pretty bad shape(even missed TAPCPR’s press conference). I visited a psychiatrist and a physical therapist. The physical therapist diagnosed me with severe tendinitis and strongly advised me to quit my job.
That evening, I had a minor bike accident on my way to work due to poor visibility in the rain. Thankfully, the other person was unharmed, but I sustained some bruises. Despite the pain, I managed to finish urgent tasks at work, and my manager sent me home to rest.
3月8日，這天我依然堅持去上班，但是經理一眼就看出來，我根本就是在勉強自己。因此，他只讓我工作了兩個小時，就叫我趕快回家休養。這位經理，真的是一位非常善良的人，他可能看到了我經濟上的壓力，所以這兩天，都讓我領取了完整的時薪。
這時，我已經清楚地知道，這份工作，對我的身體來說，真的是一個極限了。後來，在與經理討論之後，我們決定讓我休息至少一個星期。
On March 8th, my manager noticed I was struggling and sent me home after only two hours. He continued to pay me for the full day, which was incredibly kind.
It was clear that my job was taking a toll on my health. After discussing it with my manager, I decided to take a week off.
其實，在這個時候，已經有一位朋友，邀請我擔任一份兼職工作的訊息，靜靜地躺在我的未讀訊息中。但是，因為我真的太太累了，而且身體狀況非常差，一直沒有力氣去查看。直到3月10日左右，我才終於發現了這件事。
所以，3月的第二個星期，我完全處於休假的狀態。也因為有了前面提到的兼職工作，我終於可以正式地跟工讀生的工作說再見了。我一邊等待著工程師工作的回覆，一邊努力地休養身體，心中帶著些許的忐忑不安，在家中靜靜地休養。
Around this time, I discovered a message from a friend about a part-time opportunity, which I had missed due to exhaustion.
The second week of March was spent resting. I said goodbye to my part-time job and waited for news from the Garden of Hope Foundation, hoping my body would recover.
其實，每天我都心心念念著Patreon的支持者們，我知道這件事情非常重要，所以我一定要等到確定的結果出來，才能夠放心地與大家分享。而且，因為身體狀況真的很糟糕，基本上體力非常差，一開始就是不停地睡覺，也吃不太下東西，而且還擔心著醫生說的，有可能會有永久性的傷害。
I was eager to share my news with you, my Patreon supporters, but I wanted to wait until everything was confirmed. My health was poor, with constant fatigue and concerns about potential permanent damage.
直到3月12日，我的信箱終於收到了Offer！確認工程師的工作錄取了，我心中懸著的一顆大石頭，總算可以放下了！而且，更令人驚喜的是，薪水竟然比我原本要求的還要高一點！這真的是太棒了！我終於可以好好地休息了！3月17日星期一，我要正式到勵馨基金會（Garden of Hope）報到了！
此時此刻，我只想趕快將這個好消息告訴大家，所以我立刻將這個消息，分享到了臉書、BlueSky上面。那天下午，我也嘗試錄製了兩集Youtube/Podcast，但是錄完之後，我真的太累了，所以原本想要寫的Patreon報告，也只能暫時擱置。
On March 12th, I finally received the offer! I was overjoyed and relieved. The salary was even higher than I expected! I’m thrilled to join the Garden of Hope Foundation as their new engineer on March 17th.
I immediately shared the good news on Facebook and BlueSky. I even tried to record two YouTube/Podcast episodes, but I was too tired to finish my Patreon report.
因為這時，有一個非常重要的轉變，我知道我需要好好地照顧自己（尤其是身體），所以沒有體力做事情，也沒有關係，就先放著吧。因此，我在行事曆上，重新安排了這週的行程。我希望這個週末，可以讓自己過得更充實、更舒服，所以我特別安排了美術館的行程。
This experience taught me the importance of self-care. I rearranged my schedule to prioritize rest and recovery. I planned a relaxing weekend with a visit to an art museum.
3月13日，下午我完成了一個研究生對於跨性別者的法律知識訪談，然後繼續休息。
On March 13th, I completed an interview with a graduate student about transgender legal rights and continued to rest.
今天（3月14日），上午我去了台北市立美術館，看了Thomas Demand的《歷史的喉舌》（The Stutter of History）展覽，這是我第二次來看這個展覽了，其中有些關於美國的作品，真的令人感到苦笑。基本上，我有興趣的展覽，都會看好幾次，這個有趣的展覽，會一直展到5月，我一定會再來的。
這個週末，我還要去參加幾個藝術活動：
3月15日：上午－參觀台北當代美術館 下午－由「藝識劇造 Invenstage Creation」舉辦的【劇人講座：一場演出製作的誕生】
3月16日：古舞團（Ku & Dance）的接觸即興舞蹈工作坊，這次我終於可以去了！
講到藝術，在這段艱苦的時間，我也抽空完成了我的個人簡介網站 https://etwu.org （中文版），裡面有我的簡介，以及目前公開的一些作品，歡迎大家前往參觀。
Today, March 14th, I visited the Taipei Fine Arts Museum to see the Thomas Demand exhibition, “The Stutter of History,” for the second time. I plan to revisit it before it ends in May.
I also have several art events planned for this weekend:
- March 15th: Taipei Museum of Contemporary Art and a theater production seminar.
- March 16th: Contact improvisation workshop.
Despite the challenges, I managed to complete my personal website, https://etwu.org (Chinese), which features my bio and artwork.
我終於又回到了工程師的工作崗位，我還是覺得，我比較適合在鍵盤前面，將我的能力奉獻給社會。我也非常感謝Patreon支持者們的祝福，我將會在工作上努力之餘，也會持續地，繼續用藝術為族群發聲。
最後，我們又有新的藝術創作計畫了！至於是什麼內容呢？這個就留到這兩週的「會員專區」分享啦！
（在打這篇報告時，中間休息了好幾次，因為手部關節真的很不舒服）
I’m excited to return to engineering, where I feel I can best contribute to society. I’m also grateful for the support of my Patreon community. I will continue to advocate for our community through my work and art.
Finally, we have a new art project in the works! Details will be shared in the members-only section soon!
(I had to take several breaks while writing this report due to joint pain.)
